Shakira Probably Wants to Marry Me

June 18, 2010 at 5:14 pm (In the News)

Temp: -25 C / -13 F
WC: same
Winds: calm
Pole: -63 C / -81 F

June Records:
Max Temp: -4 C / +25 F
Min Temp: -42 C / -44 F
Snowfall: 11.5 inches in 24 hours
Winds: 104 kts / 120 mph

It’s been brought to my attention that I haven’t been posting much lately. Mostly, this attention has been brought by my dad and sister, via email and page, with the words, “Hey! Where the hell is your blog?” Point taken, with apologies and explanations to follow.

More importantly, however, is the fact that my One True Love (besides Stephen Hawking) is now aware of my existence. Not only is Shakira aware of me, she’s basically publicly pronouncing her love for me. Sigh. Oh, Shakira. Calm down. Let’s go on a date first, before we get all mushy and PDA-y.

So, Shakira, in her hip-shaking and world-loving glory, is raising funds to “benefit FIFA’s “20 Centers for 2010” initiative, which aims to achieve positive social change through football (that’s “soccer” to us Americans) by building 20 “Football for Hope” public health centers across Africa.” To do so, “she’s just posted a track called “Waka Waka (This Time for Africa),” which will serve as the official theme for the 2010 FIFA World Cup, [which kicked] off June 11 in South Africa.” On her official website, folks from all over the world are submitting videos of them dancing the Waka Waka.

Everyone knows that participating in any event from Antarctica brings with it a certain je ne sais quoi. Let’s be honest. I’m at least twenty percent more awesome, now that I’m here. So, we Antarcticans figured we should dance, post a video, and get automatic love and affection from Shakira and The World. And that’s how Shakira came to know and love me.

The video, for your viewing pleasure. I’m the one in the green hat (which Brooks found and rescued for me!) on the your right, doing a celebratory can-can with Brooks, himself. Now, go out and buy the record so the childrens can play that game where they kick the ball into the thing and then run around with their shirts off and fists in the air. Because the more practice they get now, the hotter they are when they grow up. And that’s what it’s all about.

My nuptials with Shakira are to be announced in the coming weeks. I’m sure of it.

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Underdog Wins

May 12, 2010 at 3:42 pm (In the News)

Temp: -29 C / -20 F
WC: -48 / -54 F
Winds: gusting to 27 kts / 31 mph
Pole: -59 C / -74 F
Our unseasonably warm weather might be leaving us…

Not totally Antarctic-related, but this is for the adorable factor in your day…

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Stephen Hawking is Good Enough for Me

April 25, 2010 at 10:15 pm (In the News)

Temp: -10 C / +14 F ***
WC: same
Winds: none
Pole -57 C / -71 F

***I never thought I’d exclaim how good 14 degrees feels. Today, I did just that. Sorry, South Pole. You lose.

One of the sexiest of sexy beasts, Stephen Hawking had this to say in recent days:

1. It is mathematically irresponsible to assume that, out of all the planets, stars, and galaxies out there, aliens do not or could not exist.

2. They might be kind of pissy, so we should probs not seek them out for friendship and light banter.

Dear Stephen Hawking: I totally heart you. I will like to lose a game of chess to you (not a euphemism). I will like to hear you robot-talk to me and not understand two out of three words you “speak.” Mostly, I will like to be your lackey and fetch you things. I promise not to beat you or abuse you in any way. I’ll just be that cute-but-kind-of-dumb girl that gets really excited whenever you “talk” smart and/or theorize about aliens. And whathaveyou.

Also, as requested by Her Doziness, here are a few more Alien Response photos from the MacTown public files.

See that diagonal line at the bottom right corner? Alien Morse Code.

See how it travels downward? That’s how you know they’re angry. When it travels upward, they want to be friends. Either that, or they’re tricking you into sudden, brutal death. No way to be sure.

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An Open Letter to Enrique Martin Morales

March 29, 2010 at 10:50 pm (In the News)

Dear Ricky Martin,

Wow! Quite a bombshell you dropped on the world today, wasn’t it? Practically everyone is abuzz with the shocking — shocking! — revelation that you are, in fact, a big ole ‘mo.

Ricky, nobody cares.

That’s right, I said it. And that is because when you first burst onto the worldwide stage, way back in 1999, with your ass-shakingly fierce eponymous album, everyone who had not already heard of you went, “Damn! That is one fine gay man. Also, I love this record!” They then bought copies of said record. 22 million of them, to be exact. You were loved and adored.

And Everyone. Knew.

Seriously, Enrique. Everyone knew from day one about the whole gay thing. You didn’t need to act all crazy about it. We didn’t. We liked you anyway and gave you lots and lots of money and attention to be exactly who you were. But, just as you thought changing your name would fool us into thinking you were white (we didn’t fall for that one either, Morales), you thought talking about how much you loved women, faking your way through a (failed) 14-year relationship with one of them, and having babies would confuse us.

Sir, it did not.

You had a duty, Enrique. You were young, gorgeous, talented and famous. If you had been honest with us and yourself when it counted, way back at the turn of the century, you could have helped tens of thousands — hundreds of thousands — of young and old, gay and straight, to accept themselves, to accept others. To have a conversation. To say, “It must be okay. I must be okay. Ricky Martin thinks it’s okay, and he’s livin’ la vida loca and shaking his bon-bon all over the world!” Instead, you hid. You denied. You lied (and lied, and lied, and lied). You contributed to the belief that “I feel this way, but there must be something wrong with it. I must hide. I must deny. I must lie (and lie, and lie, and lie).”

Now…well, Ricky, now nobody has heard from you in years, and your memoirs are coming out. No pun intended. So, you thought you’d go ahead and remind us all that you are still alive. How…opportune. You’re about a decade late, idiot. What, you didn’t think Prop8 was an important enough time to make a statement? How about during the signing of the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Act? Were you and your ghostwriter too busy changing poopy diapers to reach a book deal then?

You are not Brave. You are not a Hero. You are certainly no Great Revelator.

You are really just kind of an Asshole.

Now, why don’t you go call up Mr. Cruise and schedule your semi-annual brunch date?

love,
me

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Koreans In the ‘Hood

March 28, 2010 at 9:30 pm (In the News)

Temp: -19C / -2F
WC: -28C / -18F
Winds: 8 kts
Sunrise: 0849
Sunset: 1911
Pole Temp: -56C / -69F **per FF Megan’s request

We’re getting new neighbors! South Korea just announced they are planning to build an $85 million (or so) base about 150 miles away from MacTown — or 100 miles, if one chooses to swim it. At least, this is the best I can figure, looking at my map and using the end of my pinky to measure. I’ve become real scientific and accurate since moving here. Nevertheless, I hope they aren’t expecting us to bring them welcome baskets of food and wine. We’re big hoarders on this side of the sound, and they can have our wine when they pry it from our cold, dead hands.

So to speak.

South Korea has selected Terra Nova Bay as the site for its second research station in the Antarctic, which will complement the King Sejong Base that opened in 1988.

Terra Nova Bay, a 64-kilometer-long area between Cape Washington and the Drygalski Ice Tongue along the coast of Victoria Land, offers easier accessibility and better operational conditions compared to other candidate sites such as Cape Burks, according to officials at the Ministry of Land, Transport and Maritime Affairs. The often ice-free bay is also where Italy’s Zucchelli Station is located.

The new Korean base, which will cover about 3,300-square meters, will be located 74 degrees south latitude and 164 degrees east longitude. It will consist of five buildings accommodating 60 researchers and other staff.

Construction, which will cost around 100 billion won (about $88.4 million), is expected to begin in 2013 and be completed around April 2014, the ministry said. Korea will be then be the 9th nation in the world to operate more than one research station in the Antarctic.

Currently, there are 20 countries operating or building 39 bases in the South Pole. There are currently 17 Korean scientists working at the King Sejong Base.

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This is South Korea’s first icebreaker, Araon, which just finished its 3-month exploratory mission. I bet Oden could beat its ass.

**FF Megan is not Sideways Meghan. As you can see, their names are spelled differently. FF Megan is a Firefighter, hence the FF preceding her name. FF Megan lived at Pole this summer and thinks we’re a bunch of sissies over here. Which, comparitively speaking, is probably true. Just for her, I will endeavor to include Pole temps with my updates. This should in no way make you feel less sorry for the slightly less ridiculous temperatures I am experiencing on The Island. Also, in no way is FF Megan a substitute for Sideways. She’s just a new friend who happens to have a similar name, but stands more…upright.

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Would You Like the Cocktail With That?

March 17, 2010 at 2:49 pm (In the News)

Temps: -13 C / +9 F
WC: -21 C / -6 F
Winds: 9 kts
Sunrise: 0724
Sunset: 2035

Thank you for all of your song suggestions. I’ve got a nice, tidy little list going, and we’re gonna work up a lot of the ones you sent me. My personal favorite is Chad’s R. Kelly suggestion. Because nothing says I Love Country Music and the Youth of Chicago like R. Kelly.

Now, on to current events. You may have heard that the scientific world is all abuzz, because the NASA dudes found a new little friend for us, approximately 600 feet under the ice, near to MacTown.

Six hundred feet below the Antarctic ice, where no light can be found, NASA scientists made a startling discovery – a swimming shrimp-like creature that could challenge the idea of where and how forms of life can survive.

While the creature is small itself -– only about three inches long -– its impact could be tremendous.

A NASA team had lowered a small video camera to get the first-ever photograph of the underside of an ice shelf – and that’s when they saw the swimming creature, according to a NASA document.

The discovery could shake the very foundation of what kind of creatures can survive in certain atmospheres.

“We were operating on the presumption that nothing’s there,” NASA ice scientist Robert Bindschadler told the Associated Press. “It was a shrimp you’d enjoy having on your plate.”

“We were just gaga over it,” he told the AP.

The creature, a Lyssianasid amphipod, could lead the way for larger expeditions into harsher environments that scientists previously believed could not support life – both on the Earth and even frozen moons in outer space.

See, what had happened was, we got ahold of some of Shackleton’s 100-year-old scotch and threw a big-ass party out on the Ice. But, as usual, one of the Kiwis got all sloshy and dropped one of the party platters down into a NASA hole.

That’s no new species. That’s my appetizer. And I want it back.

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