She Speaks

June 25, 2010 at 9:50 pm (Stuff)

Temps: -12 C / +10 F (balmy!!)
WC: -21 C / -6 F
Winds: 14 kts
Pole: -59 C / -74 F

Scarlett, my little red-headed hussy, finally speaks.

Hasbro is putting up webisodes every month from the G.I. Joe work we did way back in September, just before I packed up my thermals and headed down south. The “true fans” seem to hate it, judging by their blogs and comments. I guess I’m not a true fan, ’cause I think it’s pretty cool. And now, you can finally hear me on them. Scarlett and Helix, bustin’ heads all over Operation HISS.

Enjoy. Click on the videos link, then Operation HISS, Episodes 4 and 5. Look for the girls with the large…personalities. Or, just watch me beat a bunch of ass on the one entitled “G.I. Joe Operation HISS – Scarlett.”

She’s a bad motha.

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All the Other Continents Are Racist

May 23, 2010 at 10:20 pm (Stuff, Uncategorized)

Temps: -11 C / + 12 F **
WC: -20 C / – 4 F
Winds: 13 kts / 15 mph
Pole: -58 C / -72 F
**3 days ago, we were at -75 F wind chill w/ 40mph winds. We’re not sure what’s going on, but we all like it.

From my lovely friend, Nathan Murphy.

The other continents are obviously liars. Racist liars. And I, for one, do not appreciate it.

And, this one, from my friend Eric Anderson, in light of my prior confession:

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My Blog Attracts Some Strange Mothers…

April 29, 2010 at 9:32 pm (Stuff)

Temp: -19 C / -2 F
WC: same
Winds: calm
Pole: -51 / -60

These were the top Googled phrases, which brought you nice readers to my blog in the last 48 hours:

hot baths images (Okay, totally innocent. Just someone looking for a nice, relaxing getaway.)
girls sauna “sweaty” (Well, now, wait a second…And why does the “sweaty” specifically need quotation marks?)
is blue balls real (Really? That brought you to me?!?)
victims of texting while driving (Now, that’s just sick.)

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Zombie Jesus and the Easter Penguin, Together At Last

April 4, 2010 at 10:37 pm (Stuff)

Temp: -15C / +5F
WC: -26C / -15F
Winds: 15 kts
Sunrise: 0833 (Yes, Dad. That’s new time.)
Sunset: 1716
Pole: -57C / -71F

April Records:
High: -3C / +27 (2000)
Low: -42C / -44F (1998)
Snow: 20 inches in 24 hours (2009)
Winds: 91 kts / 105 mph (1984)

Nobody’s coppin’ to it, but when we woke up yesterday morning, everyone on station had an Easter basket by their door. Mine had candy, cookies, and a very-hard-to-come-by hard-boiled egg, which I’m planning on hoarding until at least June. The Easter Penguin was here, y’all, and he came bearing gifts. Believe it.

In other news, we Fell Back, along with New Zealand, our official Timekeeper, on Sunday at 0200 hours. Why, oh why, would we in the Land of All or No Sunlight, need to practice Daylight Saving Time? That is a mystery which will keep us occupied all winter long. So now, I’m 19 hours ahead of most of you people, my friends and family in the good old CST. That means that at noontime on Sunday here, most of you were at 7:00pm on Saturday; Ben was at 8:00pm; Erin at 5:00pm; and you Mountaineers at 6:00pm. And though all two of the practicing Catholics here were in full celebration mode, none of your Zombie Jesuses had risen.

Something to think about which will, likely, make my brain explode. I’m going to go nuke a Peep in the microwave now.

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The Things People Look For

March 8, 2010 at 2:49 pm (Stuff)

A fun thing I can see on the Stats page of this little blog is what people search for that brings them to me.

Yesterday, a person might (and, in fact, did) Google these terms and become highly disappointed to discover possible alien and (thank you, Phillip) vampire activity in the Antarctic:

“how do girls hold guys hands” – 1
“guys blue balls” – 1
“two kids all alone in an island” – 1

Teaching sex education, all the way from the South Pole. You are welcome, World.

Also, I have a new Doctor-Princess in my life, the Brussels Sprout. 6 lbs, 5 oz, 19 inches, born this morning. Good job, sister. Can’t wait to meet her…

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Awards

February 11, 2010 at 1:39 am (Stuff)

Man, you guys are an imaginative crew. First things first.

Paul, that is not, in fact, my vulva. But it was an excellent guess. It is the part of my back that was once covered by my bikini strap. The worst part of the burn is actually just above and below my butt, but, much like my vulva, I didn’t figure it appropriate to show you people such things. Paul, apparently, will disagree with me here.

OJ, it’s not a sideways picture. Blurry, I’ll give you. But you know there is no natural lighting at the So. Unless you pay for one of those fancy rooms with windows. Also, if you had just impregnated Sideways Meghan like we discussed, we could all have been kicked off The Island at once and none of this would have ever happened. Because you would have convinced me to eat some weird food that would have kept me in the bathroom for 3 days and I’d never have made it to the beach at all.

Patty, you get the prize for writing the most accurate description. “It must hurt like holy shit.” Okies have a way of expressing themselves, folks, they just do. And yes, Patty, it does, indeed, hurt like holy shit.

For those of you quaking with fear (I’m looking at you, Illinois), things are healing nicely and should start peeling in T minus 72 hours. Until then, I’ll just keep having people stare and gasp at me as I pass them on the streets. I’m pretty sure I’m also hearing them mutter “Stupid American, she’s never been anywhere with no ozone layer?” but it’s hard to tell with those funny accents.

Onto cheerier topics: went to Akaroa today. Saw lovely views, ate delicious food, got robbed. Met an old biker who got my camera back for me, only out about $160 kiwi. Had a terrifying ride around on his motorcycle, after which, he tried to kiss me. And by “tried,” I mean “totally kissed me.” I had little choice in the matter. Still, I think New Zealand might be the new hotness. I’ll post pictures when I’m back on The Ice. Somehow, this place actually has slower internets than Antarctica.

Which is ridiculous.

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Hey Chicago! Lookie, Lookie, Lookie!!

January 11, 2010 at 10:17 am (Stuff)

Here’s something you will like to do, and it will help THE CHILDREN!

One of my two favorite theatre companies in the world, Barrel of Monkeys, is having its annual company fundraiser extravaganza is at the end of THIS month!

Monkey-o-kee – Sunday, January 31 from 8pm-11pm
@ Mad River Grille 2909 N. Sheffield

Why should people come to Monkey-o-kee?

The event supports our fine work, it will be SUPER fun and a $25 ticket gets you:

3 hours of beer, pizza, pasta, an exciting prize wheel, AND being serenaded all night by MONKEYS!!!

What a deal!!

You can buy tickets on the internets, which will also automatically put you on the list to attend.

Click here for tickets!!!

Seriously, y’all, this will be an awesome party with hilarious, wonderful people in attendance. And, indeed, you will be helping the children. Also, you will be helping me as, if my friends come and say they bought tickets because of me, the Monkeys will keep letting me play with them when I get back into town.

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The Icebreaker’s Coming, and We’re All Askin’ For It.

January 10, 2010 at 11:35 am (Stuff)

Did you know that there is a lot of stuff going on down here in Antarctica? Things are about to get busy because the Icebreaker is just about to arrive, breaking up the Ice so that the Vessel can come in in another week or so. The Vessel brings in supplies, food, equipment, etc. for the next entire YEAR on Ice. So, everyone is scrambling to get ready and to make themselves look nice and tempting for the sailors that will be on board and running amok for two weeks in MacTown. We’ve basically all been warned to lock our doors and wear as many layers as possible, so as not to “ask for it.”

Along with the work, there have been some good parties and activities. Some pictures from Christmas and New Year’s Eve….for the pleasure of your eyes.

Happy Christmas To Me!

Most importantly, I got a bunch of presents and cards. Because, as everyone knows, that is what Christmas on Ice is all about.

Holly

At the big Christmas party at the VMF warehouse. They cleared out the broken vehicles and cleaned up the oil spills and made us a real nice little party. Holly Troy from IT helped us out as Santa Claus. I could have sat on his lap, but it was way too early in the morning for that sort of behavior. It was a wonder I rolled out of bed in time to make it there, and I didn’t last long.

Night Moves

Sideways Meghan and OJ had to work that night, but they came by eventually, and we basically hung out in the lobby talking. Those day worker people were real intense with their “celebrating” and “wakefulness.”

Girls in Black

Me, Mil and Lyle. Rockin it with our black shirts.

Just a Girl With Some Scissors

Nothing says Happy New Years like a giant pair of scissors. I was working that night, but my lunch break was from 11:30pm to 12:30am. Me, Jim, Sideways Meghan and Lauren (Meghan’s roommate) strolled out to Hut Point and looked over the icy ocean and toasted the big fat seals and 2010. It was lovely. Then, back to work. After a real shitty day, this was probably the nicest, simplest, least disappointing New Year’s Eve celebration I’ve ever had. Plus, you know, we had those giant scissors.

Bring it, 2010

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Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas!

December 24, 2009 at 11:33 am (Stuff)

Temp: -5 C/ +23 F
WC: -11 C/ +12 F
Winds: 9 kts

Happy Christmas, everybody! You all still have nearly a full rotation to go, but it’s five hours into the holiday here, so we’re celebrating. There was a party last night (my 8:00 a.m.), which was awkward. And people’s directives to “just drink more” were not totally helpful. I’m now at the library and going for a morning run (not at the same time), then off to bed and I’ll wake up and it will STILL be Christmas. Then I’ll sleep again and when I wake up again, it will be Christmas for you guys. So, it’s really a very long-winded holiday, but since I celebrate my birthday for a full month, I feel it’s completely justified.

In celebration of the true meaning of Christmas, here are some pictures of Santa at the North Pole. Except that Santa isn’t in these pictures, and it’s at the South Pole…

New Pole Dome

Where is Santa?

Pole Dome

Piston Bully

Hope

Mount Snow

Pole Town

Sun Shot

Ah yes…and one more photo of the ATO (mostly Shuttles) Ice Softball Classic Team from last Sunday afternoon (the middle of my night). I hit a ball with a stick and ran and didn’t completely ruin the game for everyone else. I got one sprained ankle, two runs and I’m pretty sure a couple of RBIs. But it was cold and I wasn’t really paying attention to what the other people were doing, so it’s possible they were just running around to generate heat.

ATO Shuttles Team

Actual words from Pinky, our “coach”: “Hey guys, we only lost by one run, and we had a LOT of girls on our team. I think they only had one, so we did really good!”

I neglected to “get my hand in the middle” for that one.

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Public Thank Yous

December 19, 2009 at 1:39 am (Stuff)

Temp: -4 C / + 25 F
WC: -12 C / + 10 F
Winds: 5 – 15 kts

Some further public acknowledgments to the people who are sending me awesomeness from home….

Brad Stevens, who sent me a lovely birthday card with GI JOE STICKERS!!!! It is not, in fact, my birthday, but he is a non-conformist and refused to send me a Christmas card, which I really appreciate;

Sara Gmitter, who sent me LEAVES and other sundry items. Leaves, by the way, are prohibited. But I’ve received them from Erin too, so maybe they have been secretly legalized. Regardless, I love them and they are colorful and look so nice on my wall. I will not eat them;

Erin Damron, most especially, who sent me porn. Yes…porn. Which is also colorful and on my wall.

Also, mom, who keeps everyone in the office nice and pissy with me for always having mail.

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